i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
