Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
