Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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