Having a random hookup so left but love u
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
