I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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