the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
