Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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