i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
