dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
