I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
