I just pynch a tree in the face
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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