So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
