he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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