Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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