My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
