I understand why you refuse to be sober now
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
