Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
