You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
