Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
