They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
