So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
