i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
