i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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