she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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