Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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