bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
