we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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