dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
