Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
