I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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