Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
