So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
