ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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