I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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