Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
