It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
