I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
