I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
