this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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