Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
