Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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