Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
two words: eviction party
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
