I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I smell like Dick and happiness
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
