Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
