Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
