did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
