i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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