He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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