I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
