yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
