yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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