OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
