Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
